Princess Diaries ten continuation
by adorationofbooks
Summary: Something I started to write when the tenth princess diaries excerpt came out. My first fanfiction. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

_Saturday, April 29__th__, Columbia University Medical Centre Ladies Room, 3:10 p.m._

Oh. My. God.

To be more specific, crap!

Why is it that if this kind of situation has to happen to anybody it's going to happen to me?

What have I done? Why is it that divine intervention is picking _today _to single me out?

This time, for once, I am not exaggerating. Otherwise out of all the hundreds of people out in that conference room is it Lilly Moscovitz that comes into the ladies room now to wash her hands?

I can't go out there. What am I supposed to say?

I can't burst out of this stall and just be like 'Oh, hey Lilly. Remember me? Up until last year we used to be best friends until I broke your brother's heart and in your opinion became a home wrecker and stole your boyfriend who I just happened to be in love with me instead of you no matter how much you loved him in return. So I've now stolen most of your friends and am happily dating your beloved ex so now I've decided to turn up to the viewing of your brothers fabulous new invention so I can use my manipulative skanky ways which my grandmother advised me to use to bags one for my country so my dad can win an election so we'll be super duper rich again. Oh, that and my friends wanted to stalk your brother to see how hot he's gotten. Isn't this just so _fun_?'

I mean, that's obviously not how the past year happened but she won't see it my way will she?

If I go out there she'll punch me in the face!

I just got relatively good looking in the past year. Well, at least better than how I looked in my freshman year. I don't want to do any damage to my facial alignment. That and I've heard she's taken up karate in the past year so I don't want to go souring out the glass window and out onto the street like something out of a Jackie Chan movie either.

Plus, after she sees me and beats me up I just know she's going to tell Michael I was trying to stalk him.

He can't know that! He's a successful millionaire now, he'll think I'm just a stupid, naïve little kid who one had a very strong crush on him.

He's got a cute Japanese girlfriend now who wears micro-minis that I know I must seem like a gangly giant in comparison to her. He has moved on. I have moved on. We've both moved on.

I've got a boyfriend for Gods sake. I shouldn't have even come here in the first place no matter how hot Michael has grown in the past year.

Hello? Remember Mia? Boyfriend! J.P is cute, sweet and so nice and remembers to get those little cookies from Starbucks that I like so much for me every Friday morning before school. He loves me, I love him. It was stupid for me to even come here in the first place. Why, oh why did I let Lana and Tina talk me into this?

This isn't going to affect them mentally and leave them up all night thinking of my ex-boyfriend.

Ack! Lilly is still out there. Wait, I can see through the crack in the door which is difficult to do and not fall off the toilet I'm sitting cross-legged on at the same time.

She turns around and stares straight and the mirror and speaks words that chill the blood running through my veins.

"So, are you going to come out now?"

Oh. My. God.

_Saturday, April 29__th__, Columbia University Medical Centre Ladies Room, 3:18 p.m._

What do I do? What do I do?

I can't go out there!

She obviously knows I am in here, watching me like I am watching her. Just waiting until I try to make my escape so she can tear my newly highlighted hair out with her Chanel nail polished talons.

"Come on," she calls out "You've got to come out sooner or later."

Like hell I do!

I try to brace myself with my hands against the walls of the small and suddenly cramped cubicle.

Can I just note that it is really hard to stay cramped up on a toilet seat for so long when you have legs as long as me.

I felt like we were both little kids again and playing hide and seek in her apartment.

Only, you know, except if she finds me this time she will kill me.

I tried to stretch my legs out slights but the heels of my Louboutin boots scraped against the wall of the cubicle making that horrible sound of nails on a chalk board.

I cringed and hastily withdrew my leg.

Damn my love for Louboutin!

She knew I was here! She knew the cubicle was most definitely OCCUPIED and that I was in it!

Oh no! No, no, no, no, no.

"Hurry up!" I could see her face in the mirror and it was that same face she used to use with me when she was trying to stay clam but she was really annoyed.

"Come on!" Yep, that's not going to happen Lilly.

No matter how afraid I am of you and your Jackie Chan like powers.

"Michael's waiting for you!"

Excuse me but WHAT?!

Oh my God. She's going to rat me out to her ex.

Michael is going to know about how even though we've had over a year of a casual e-mail relationship I was still obsessive enough to stalk him.

Well, be persuaded into stalking but it's the same thing really.

"As well as a whole conference room full of people!" Lilly continued her voice moving more steadily from clam to incredibly annoyed.

What? So she alerted a whole _conference room _full of people that I'm in here.

Does she just have a little red button tucked under her belt which is labelled: Annihilate Mia?

It would explain a lot about her to tell you the truth.

"You don't want to disappoint Michael do you?"

_No, of course_ _not,_ a reflex reaction in me said still left over from my first love days.

Shut up! I told myself trying hard not to make any noise, trying hard not to even breathe.

"Do I have to come in there and drag you out myself?" She questioned and I felt myself freeze on the spot, my hands clamped in a desperate attempt to weld themselves to the toilet roll holder.

"I'm coming!" a voice in the next cubicle yelled out in a scared tone.

I didn't blame them, Lilly with her multiple facial piercings and brightly coloured hair could be very intimidating.

"About time." I heard Lilly mutter under her breath as she turned to greet the girl coming out of the cubicle.

I peered through the crack in the door while still maintaining my position on the toilet seat.

My breath stopped and I recognised that girl immediately.

Then I fell of the toilet seat and landed sprawling on the floor.

Saturday, April 29th, 5:45 p.m., Ladies Room at Nobu.

Why is it that whenever there is a source of drama in my life I always end up in a ladies room in a public place to pour my feelings out into a journal.

Seriously, since my freshman year it seems to have become like my own personal sacred ritual.

Because this is big, so big, that Tina, Lana, Trish and I have been discussing it for two hours over virginal -and not so virginal in Lana and Trish's case- drinks at the bar.

So where was I? I'd landed sprawling on the ground after so elegantly falling of the toilet seat that I almost didn't hear what Lilly the mysterious stranger were saying.

I peeked out under the toilet seat door from my uncomfortable position on the floor to get a better look at this girl. God forbid if she had looked down to see me gazing up at her from the toilet stall.

I mean, I know I am a freak but it can come as a shock to people when I exhibit it in public.

So that is when I got my first look at her. I mean, I'd seen her before in the conference room but this time I really saw her up close.

Midori otherwise known as Michael's speculative girlfriend has large, warm brown eyes which were lined with blue eyeliner so they really stood out, long, perfectly straight (I'm so jealous) black hair which seemed to flow down her back like a waterfall, softly swaying with her as she moved and of course, nice legs which gave her the ability wear micro minis.

I was glad I couldn't stand next to her where she could see me because I know I must look like the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk (Rocky loves that story, forgive the analogy) in comparison.

"I came to get you, Michael was getting worried." Lilly frowned at her but rolled her eyes as she said this, brushing of her brothers concern for this girl.

My arms unintentionally wrapped themselves around my stomach as I heard this. Tina was wrong, I was right. There was definitely something going on between the two of them.

Midori pulled out a zipped up make up bag from her purse and started applying Max Factor mascara to her already thick eyelashes.

"I'm sorry; I just get nervous when I have to give speeches. I came in here to calm myself down. You are Lilly, right?"

"Right," Lilly said dismissively, waving her hand in the air while she spoke "it's not a big speech anyway. You just have to talk a little bit about the robotic arm and the contributions you made to it."

She made contributions the robotic arm. She's smart as well as unbearably pretty.

Wait, why do I even care? Michael has a girlfriend (possibly, assumed until proven otherwise) and I have a boyfriend.

"Yes, I know it is not a big speech but when I am alone on stage I get the feeling that I'm going to, what is the word in English for it?, ah, spew my guts out."

I know the feeling Midori.

Lilly just raised her dark eyebrows at Midori. Whenever Lilly speaks she stares someone straight in the eye and doesn't look away. Grandmere always criticises me on how I should do this more, _"It is a sign of confidence Amelia! Don't you wish to be seen as confident?"_

To be honest I don't really care so long as I don't make an ass of myself.

At least because of this I don't have to worry that Lilly will look down and see me watching them.

Midori by then was now putting on some lip gloss and Lilly was tapping her hands on the hand dryer impatiently. I thought that if Midori didn't get out of there soon Lilly might strangle her using only her bar hands.

"Your brother, he tells me you like to do things with TV?" Midori asked Lilly while smoothing the pink gloss over her lips while she talked.

"I don't 'do things with TV'" Lilly glared at her in annoyance "I have my own cable talk show where I talk about my views on the many issues that face our world." Her tone became more polite and civil.

"Isn't that the same thing?" Midori asked of her as she rummaged through her cavernous makeup bag.

Lilly narrowed her eyes. "No, it's not."

Midori looked up and noted Lily's sour face and laughed- a sound delicate and flowing like running water.

"Michael also tells me you're quite strong minded."

Lilly snorted and said "yeah, he would say that. He's not exactly the reoccurrence of Christ himself."

Midori smiled politely but it looked like she didn't understand what Lilly was saying. I was used to Lily's cryptic sentences and retorts about her brother from growing up with her even if we barely acknowledge each other anymore so I didn't blame Midori for having no idea what Lilly was saying.

After continuing to rummage through her makeup bag the silence as well as Lilly's impatience grew more pronounced.

Eventually as Midori pulled out her mascara brush again to reapply Lilly cried out, her patience disintegrating "You've already done that already! Look, I've been told, no ordered is more like it to get you out of this bathroom and I'm not payed to be a babysitter so come on."

With that she pulled Midori and her makeup bag out of the ladies room without giving Midori a moment of thought and I was left sitting on the ladies room floor, staring at where they had just vacated in wonder.

Then eventually I dragged myself off the floor and darted out of the building quickly in fear of someone associated with Michael seeing me.

I had to tell my friends! Michael is dating Midori who is so pretty, smart and is the normal height for a woman not like me, New Yorks personal giant who people marvel at in horror as they walk past me.

They don't, I'll admit I might be over exaggerating a little bit there. A little.

After that I met Lana, Trish and Tina and we all went to Nobu's where we debated Michael attractiveness on the hotness scale (apparently he now rates a 9 which coming from Trish and Lana is very impressive but admittedly undeniable), what new piercing Lilly had on her face, the likeliness of Midori being Michael's new girlfriend and which college I should go to.

As soon as they hit that last subject I knew I should get out of there. I don't want anyone to know where I'm going to college just yet mainly because I don't even know myself. Whenever someone talks about it I feel sick like I've drunk too much imported French champagne like I did that one night for my seventeenth birthday party.

That's also the thing. Everyone wants to know where I am going. My parents, Grandmere, Tina, Lana, Trish, and Michael also asked me in an e-mail and J.P. really wants to know so he can plan his own college around me.

Sometimes I seriously want to scream to everyone who asks me "It is my choice! It had absolutely nothing to do with you!"

Well, if J.P. is planning his college around me I guess it has something to do with him but that's not the point.

So that's what I've been doing, whenever someone questions where I'm going for college I dodge the question or just plain try to escape, which explains why I'm in the ladies room at Nobu's.

Why, oh, why is my day so fraught with conflict and stress?

Hold on my phone's ringing. It's J.P.

Saturday, April 29th, 6:02 p.m., Ladies Room at Nobu

Ah! I feel like screaming or snapping the toilet role holder of the pink cubicle walls. Is it possible for me to go just a few hours without lying to my boyfriend??!! Is that really too much to ask?

I wonder why I bring myself into these situations; I just bring them on myself.

I've written a transcript of our conversation out here, with commentary included. Then once that is finished I will continue to vent my frustration.

_Phone rings_

Me: Hello?

J.P: (sounding relieved) Hey, I've been calling you for ages. Where are you?

Me : (sounding panicked because I don't want him to know where I was today because I worry he might feel his manhood or whatever is threatened since I went off stalking my ex-boyfriend who happens to be brother to his ex-girlfriend with my friends.) Uh, nowhere, I'm at home (which I realise now is a stupid thing to lie about because drinks at Nobu's doesn't relate to me stalking Michael at all.)

J.P: Oh. (Sounding surprised) Really? What are you doing? Anything interesting?

Me: (panicking because I'm trying to think of something cool and interesting that I would be doing which I how I came up with this pitiful excuse-)

Oh, yeah. I'm studying for my Calculus finals.

(This is such a stupid thing to for me to say. Mia? You know you can't stand calculus. No one can. Unless you're a mathematician I guess. So this is Mia Thermopolis's Big Fat Lie Number 6.)

J.P.: (sounding worried which I can't blame him for; I'm worried about myself, too)

That sounds…. fun.

Me: (nervous laughter) Yeah, I love those fundamental theorems! (Mia Thermopolis's Big Fat Lie Number Seven .At this point I'm considering killing myself with the toilet roll holder.)

J.P: (sounding worried for my mental health) Okay….

_Deathly silence falls on the phone line making me regret the massive web of lies I'd woven around my poor boyfriend._

_The sound of the bathroom door swinging open is in the air and two women who look suspiciously like prostitutes enter bathroom. They start to talk. Loudly._

J.P.: (sounding concerned) Are you sure you're at home? What's that noise?

Hooker number 1: (Whom I later find out her real name is Darlene)

So then I said to him if you don't want to pay for my dinner you can't have me darling.

Hooker number two: (Giggling laughter) Exactly! You tell him Darlene, honey!

(At this point I want to kill them both with the toilet roll holder in a mad rush of embarrassed- mortified and panicked really- fury.)  
J.P.: (sounding horrified) Um, Mia? Who's that? And more to the point why are they in your loft?

Me: (Shrieking madly on the inside, trying to think up of a random yet plausible excuse) Uh…. No one! Just characters from Baywatch! I'm watching it at the moment you see.

(Mia Thermopolis's Big Fat- Oh, forget it. You get the point.)

Darlene: (calls out while adjusting her pantyhose with her leg hitched up on the sink) I ain't no character from Baywatch, darling.

_Idiot prostitute companion giggles madly._

_I rip open the cubicle and give them both the death glare which they ignore continuing their croaky bout of irritating laughter._

J.P.: (sounding very confused, as was I) Um… I just spent all of last weekend in your room while you educated me on the importance of Baywatch in real life situations. You didn't mention there was a character named Darlene.

Me: (trying to cover my fumble smoothly) Uh! Yeah, she's a new character we haven't gotten round to her in your Baywatch education schedule. She's very crucial to the plot and never seems to know when to shut up.

_I send Darlene a death glare and she retrieves her legs from the sink and puts her hands up in front of her in the universal sign of 'what? Me? I don't know what you're talking about'_

Me: (knowing I should get off the phone while I still can while J.P still has some portion of his faith in my honesty in tact. Even if it is unfounded) Well, I better get back to the fundamental theorem. You know how I love it.

_Darlene raises her painted on eye brow at me. I glare back._

J.P: (sounding happier now and laughing softly which made me smile) Yeah, I guess true love can't wait can it? I'll let you get back to it.

Me: (relieved to get out of this conversation before I could embarrass myself with more lies.) Thanks so much J.P.

J.P.: (sounding content) Yeah, I'll see you soon, okay?

Me: Sure. See you then. (I assume he meant at school or whatever)

J.P.: (sounding blissful) Love you Mia.

Me: …………… (Panicking, I try to force myself to say it back but only a croaking sound comes out of my throat.)

J.P: (Sounding worried but also a little hurt) Mia? You still there?

Me: (blurting my words out in a hurry so I could get of the phone and figure out what was wrong with me) See you soon, J.P!

_Snap phone shut and storm back into my cubicle, ignoring the looks from my prostitute bathroom companions._

This is where I am now. I cannot believe that just happened! Why couldn't I say I love him back? I've said it plenty of times before. Why not now?

This is just like when Kenny told me he loved me on the phone and I couldn't say a word! Except I love J.P., I do. And he doesn't have any weird obsessions with manga characters either. He's is so sweet and I am just so confused.

So why can't I say it back all of a sudden?

What is going on at the moment?

Saturday, April 29th, 10:30 p.m., The Loft.

As I exited the bathroom after sending Darlene and her dear companion a sour look I hoped to escape into a taxi to go to the relaxing sanctuary of my room.

Unfortunately my friends had other plans.

As soon as I escaped the bathroom Tina grabbed my arm, nearly ripping it off and pushed me back into the bathroom with Lana and Trish closely following.

"Ow! What the hell is going on you guys?" I cried while rubbing my arm where Tina's manicured nails had dug into the skin.

"Oh my God, Geek. You will not believe what happened." Lana exclaimed, her Maybelline lashes wide against her blue eyes.

"What?" I asked, getting annoyed.

She looked happy, they all did, but in a way that made me suspicious.

"Guess!" Trish laughed gleefully after sending Darlene and co a glare that would have stopped anyone in their tracks. They quickly piled up their $2 makeup and after stealing one of the hand soaps from the washing basin and depositing it in their faux Chanel purses exited out the door.

How come I can't have a glare like that? One that people will flee in terror from instead of laughing at me.

"How can I guess?" I growled "I have no freaking idea what you're talking about."

"Ah-ah," Lana waved her talon-nailed finger in my face with I look of disapproval etched on her own "You need to show us a bit more respect. This is very important news. By telling you this instead of letting you go out there for our own entertainment we are saving your ass."

"Elegantly put." I said sarcastically. Lana shrugged, looking untroubled and replied "What? It's true isn't it?"

She looked at Tina and Trish who nodded fervently.

Tina grabbed my wrist again, looking up at my face with her huge brown eyes.

"It's true Mia. You don't want to go out there. You'll never guess who's in that bar."

I think we already established that. Although I didn't say this aloud.

"What's going on?" I practically yelled and Trish clamped her hand down on my mouth. "Shut up! These walls are like, paper thin. If you shriek like a banshee they'll hear you out there."

"Banshee?" I asked with a quizzical eyebrow raise.

"SAT word." She explained with a wave of her hand.

"Oh. Let me repeat. What. Is. Going. On?"

"Okay," Lana began, taking a deep breath and adjusting her bra, a habit of hers, before continuing "First off we were just sitting there about to order another round of drinks-"

"You'll never find your way home if you order another round," I cut in "You've had enough as it is. Anymore and you'll fall unconscious in the gutter and I'll have to fish you out. Remember what happened last time."

It was one very awkward moment trying to explain to my limo driver why there was puke and an unconscious eighteen year old spread across the back seat. After all, you can only hold your drink for so long, and your lunch.

Lana ignored my warning and just simply said "Whatever, Geek," before continuing "So we were about to order another round and you'll never guess who walks in."

"I already said I don't know who walked in!" I stage whispered, trying to make my irritation with her as apparent as possible.

"And then we're sitting there and then our jaws like, drop open,"

Lana continued on, ignoring me again "Because who should walk right into Nobu's lounge, like right across the table from us but micro-mini Midori and crew all hanging off her like she's like, the hottest thing since, Prada handbags, pink berry lip-gloss from Victoria's Secret and my Manolo Blahnik heels. Well, in guy terms anyway."

Midori was there! Okay, this was not good. So I started having a major hysterical fit.

My chest was contracting and I was having trouble breathing, similar to the feeling to when I was in another bathroom earlier today and found out Midori was officially Michael's girlfriend.

"Wait!" I asked urgently as I thought of this "Is Michael here?"

_Please say no, please say yes._

My mind was chanting while I tried to shut it up. There wasn't anything I could do to stop the chanting, short of slamming my head against the hand dryer which is not something one does in company of friends.

To drown out the excited voice in my head I started to concentrate on what Tina was saying. "Um, yes Michael is here. Don't worry though; he's not sitting next to Midori. He's sitting next to Lilly and the rest of his family."

"His whole family is here?!" I scream, panicking.

"They're near our table? We can't go back there, one of you is going to have to go back to pay the bill. I refuse to go out there!"

"We're not done yet Mia." Trish added with a look of sick amusement in her eyes "Guess who walked in afterwards?"

"There's more?" I whisper, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Yeah," Lana said, overly cheerful, enjoying my anxiety "Because all the while we're trying to make sure Michael and his family doesn't see us, by the way they're having some type of celebration party in there, your guy's paying, Midori apparently has a taste for the champagne, expensive stuff too, you reckon she's a gold digger?"

"No," I whisper again, she's smart and pretty and can make money on her own. Apparently she can hold her drink too.

"She's not and Michael's not my guy. Not any more. So I really couldn't care less." I said defensively.

"So we can join the party then?" Trish asks hopefully.

"No! Absolutely not!" I yell the sound echoing off the walls.

"Chill, Geek." Lana cut in, patting me on the shoulder.

Chill, how could I chill?

First I stalk my ex the try to escape without him or his family noticing me and then he and said family follow me to a bar, out of all of the hundreds in Manhattan, his new girlfriend and colleagues closely following behind him.

"Don't worry Mia," Tina said reassuringly. "You don't have to go out there if you don't want to. We figured we should tell you what's going on. Especially considering what's going on."

"What's going on?" I ask, not certain on if I wanted to hear the answer or not.

"After they sat down and started ordering _their_drinks" Trish noted sourly "the door swang open and another party walked in."

"Mia," Tina said softly to calm me down because I was practically snapping my already short finger nails; I was gripping the sink that hard "It was J.P. and his parents."

Oh. My God. Of all the freaking people to join the party of ex-best friend, current best friends and ex-boyfriend it's my current boyfriend.

That's not awkward at all.

_So, Michael…._

_. This is my new boyfriend J.P. whom you saw me kissing right after a broke your heart before you went to Japan. Since I have a strange fascination to see how you are I allowed my friends to drag me along to stalk you. We then convened here after I tried to escape you sister who hates me and then I lied to my boyfriend because I didn't want him to know I was stalking you. He might think I still have feelings for you. Because I don't. Even though my heart hurts and I feel like I can't breathe whenever I see you and micro-mini Midori. She had fabulous legs by the way. I can see why you went for her._

_Anyway, I'm getting off track, so then I find out you've walked in, followed closely by said girlfriend and family all whilst I was lying to my current boyfriend._

_Then, get this, J.P. walks in and sits on the other side of our table. Which mean I have no possible route of escape out of here so would you like to join us for drinks and discuss my growing pile of lies and the good old times?_

Yeah, because that would go down so well.

I groan and sink down against the wall, hitting my head on the hand dryer on the way down. "I cannot go out there."

It was a simple statement, a fact, rhetorical, not meant to be negotiated with.

Which is why I was so surprised when Tina dared to argue with it.

"Why not? You've got to face Michael sooner or later and this way he can see how happy you are with J.P. which will dispel any desire he has to get back together with you."

Did I really want that? "Thanks T," I said sarcastically.

I know she meant well but she really wasn't helping.

"You're welcome" she said happily, thinking she'd cheered me up "Plus you get to see your boyfriend if you go out there. That's a good thing isn't it?"

Lana narrowed her eyes at me "Unless she doesn't want to see her boyfriend. Do you, Geek?"

She looked at me and I knew she knew something was going on.

"No, I can't see J.P." Tina gasped, overdramatically in my opinion "It's not that I want to break up with him or anything" I quickly assured Tina "It's just that I talked to him before on the phone and he thinks I'm at home, studying for Calculus."

Trish snorted and pulled me up from there floor "And he actually believed that? That doesn't sound like you at all."

True, this had crossed my mind. Why didn't J.P. see through my lie? It was fairly obvious. I mean, anyone in their right mind would realise that I wouldn't actually study for Calculus willingly. Even in my most sorrowful moments I hadn't sunk that low.

"Why did you lie to him though?" Tina asked. I knew she was about to tell me that the key to a healthy relationship is truth, constantly, so I beat her to the punch, so to speak, so she wouldn't have to.

"I know I should have told him the truth but I didn't think he'd be happy with the fact we were stalking my ex-boyfriend. Guys tend to get a little threatened by things like that."

"Drinks at Nobu's doesn't relate to seeing your ex-boyfriend at all. So why'd you lie? You know your lies only get you in trouble in the end."

Was this a profound version of Lana? "You so need to practice lying more often." Okay, obviously not.

"I know that." I muttered tiredly, beginning to reconsider my no drinking alcohol rule.

"This is a crap situation." Trish pointed out, being her observational self.

"Duh, Trish. It's Mia we're talking about here." Lana replied.

I growled at her and she glared back and I sighed, slumping against the wall defeated.

Tina crouched down on the floor so she could look at me. "It's alright Mia. You'll see J.P. tomorrow anyway."

This took me by surprise. "What?"

"Don't you remember? We're going dress shopping for your party tomorrow and then we're all meeting up for coffee afterwards with the guys." Guys, meaning us and all of our boyfriends.

"Yeah, because you were too lazy to look at them last time we went shopping so if you turn up at your eighteenth party wearing some sack by an unknown designer don't come crying to me." Lana announced, standing imperiously above me with a smug look on her fake tanned face.

"Hey, maybe we could go prom shopping after." Trish sounded cheered by the idea.

EW, the prom. I tried to suppress my gagging.

They could drag me into every shop they chose to but I wasn't going to the prom.

I was smart enough not to mention this because they might have turned on me in a fit of anger, throwing me outside the door to feed me to the sharks, or my boyfriend and ex boyfriend and his possibly irate sister.

"Okay," I sighed, giving in.

"Yah!!!!" Tina cheered happily.

I know she was all excited to go to the prom, the prom promise ring Boris had given her gleamed under the fluorescent lights and I wasn't going to burst her bubble or her prom dreams.

I glared at the bathroom cubicle in front of me, wondering what I had gotten myself into. I would pay for lying to my boyfriend tomorrow when I was drowning in layers of pink chiffon.

"Don't worry Mia." Lana smiled, causing the effect opposite of what she desired "I have a plan."

Great, I though, because all of her other plans turned out so well. I was thinking of all the numerous times Lana had tried to drag us to some 'get together' which was destined to be star of which mainly involved a lot of drinking and some guy hunting me into a corner where I was trying to hide and then throwing up on my shows.

I made Lana buy me a new pair of kitten heels after that night.

"That's good." I said, although Lana must have either thought I was serious or she was just dismissing my sarcasm for terror.

"Ok, Trish, go pay the bill. If anyone sees you or me here they won't be so suspicious." Lana ordered. Trish saluted and did as was obeyed, the door swinging behind her as she left.

"Now, you, Tina. Go order a taxi, if anyone sees Mia's limo they'll be suspicious."

I saw what Lana was getting at now and I smiled. "Cunning."

"Mia, you'll be paying the fair for all of us since I've blown all of my taxi money on mobile credit."

And just like that the smile slipped off my face and was replaced with a look of irritation.

I didn't mind though, so long as I didn't have to face who was waiting outside of those doors I would have gladly handed over my entire purse, black American Express card included.

Tina started pushing numbers on her mobile and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she spoke in a delicate tone "Manhattan taxi service? Good, this is Tina Hakim Baba speaking and I would like to request a taxi be sent to-"

"Oh, my God Tina" Lana interrupted her "You aren't speaking to royalty here"

She pointed at me and then laughed at her own joke "Just order the freaking taxi."

Tina said quickly into the phone "Can it be sent around the corner of Nobu's. Yes, please don't park in front of the building."

She turned away, fixing her long veil of hair but before she turned around I saw her shoot a look at Lana.

Lana took of her coat and shoved it at me. I put it on and the perfumed smell radiating out of it made me sneeze.

"Sorry," she said apologetically while taking a chunk of my hair a pushing it around my face "Gretchen used up the last of my Marc Jacobs, Daisy perfume so I had to use my mothers Chanel no. 4." This was a smell she knew I always associated with Grandmere and usually made me allergic.

"It is fine. Don't worry about it" I spluttered out before sneezing again.

She grabbed my nose before I could continue my sneezing fit "Yeah, like that won't draw attention to you."

I tried to respond but all that came out was a nasal sound.

Lana released my nose and wiped her hand on my top.

"Oh, sorry." I said but she just grimaced and went over to wash her hands under the tap, being rather liberal with the amount of soap she used.

"Next time just stock your bag with Kleenex." She replied, putting her hands under the dryer.

Trish burst in the door, waving her arms around wildly in the air.

"Get in the cubicle, get in the cubicle!" she shrieked, shoving Tina, herself and I into the nearest cubicle and frantically locking the door.

"What is it?" I began to laugh but Trish gave her one of her infamous death glare and I quietened down.

I wanted to ask what was going on again because Trish's heel was digging into the foot and tears were starting to stream down my cheeks stayed silent.

The bathroom door slammed against the wall with a bang as someone walked into the room. I peered through the crack in the cubicle door and nearly screamed at what I saw.

It was Lilly! Again!

I swear if I hadn't sucked in a huge breath right then I may have collapsed to the floor. She can't see you, she can't see you, I repeated over and over in my head and I comforted myself in the fact that if she wanted to kill me she had three people to get through.

Although she had no reason to kill me as she did if she had found me at her brother's ceremony. This was just a normal place in New York where by chance two people who know each other may happen to meet up.

Even if those people just happen to be ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends or ex-best friends. There is still a chance of a meeting to occur.

That didn't mean I was going to move one inch from where I was plastered against the wall though.

So that's why I was freaking out when Trish unlocked the cubicle door and shoved me out of the small confined space we were in.

I probably could have killed her right then and there if when I crashed into the sinks Lilly wasn't there standing and looking at me in anger.

Relief washed through me like running water as I realised she was in one of the cubicles. With that Lana dragged my arms and pulled us all out of the bathroom.

I only had time to briefly look over at our previous table and see Michael talking to his grandmother and laughing, my heart made a weird movement and then I looked over at J.P. who was ordering a drink from the waitress and a feeling rose up through my stomach and I felt like I was about to be sick.  
What does that mean? Is it the price you must pay for lying to someone you care about?

Feeling sick whenever you're around them, what does this mean? Oh, right. I should know the feeling well. It's guilt. Welcome back my former companion.

That's all I did see before everything turned black.

No, I wasn't hijacked by any terrorists, I didn't lose consciousness although they were all the thoughts that filled my head as my vision disappeared and I felt my feet stumble beneath me.

Apparently Lana had thrown Tina's jacket over my head and had pushed me out the door only I lost my footing and stumbled down the few steps leading up to the entrance way.

From what I heard later on a few people looked up then, Lilly came out of the bathroom and got a good look at us and once we had completely decimated any chance of us getting out of there with my dignity in tact Lana threw a tip at the waiter and shoved me head first into the nearest taxi.

But, not before Lilly took a picture on her camera phone.

That's right, I am screwed. Completely and utterly.

Lana claims that it's because I stumbled down the steps.

I shrieked at her, alarming the taxi driver "You shouldn't have tried to kidnap me!"

"How else could I get you out of there?" She asked of me calmly "Trust you to go calmly down the steps on your own?"

"You didn't have to shove me!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you're clumsy." She retorted.

From then on I acidly reminded her and the taxi driver who was paying the fair and she shut up.

Now, I'm in my bed which is where I wanted to be all along and you know what?

I can't go to sleep because I keep thinking about lying to J.P. and even worse I can't stop thinking about Michael.

Sunday, April 30th, 9:30 a.m., Dressing Room in Saks

What did I ever do to my friends to be forced to endure this kind of torture? I am not exaggerating, I have been shoved in practically every dress in the store, whether it fits me or not.

I think I am secretly getting paid back since we had to leave Nobu's early last night.

This would explain why they ambushed the loft at SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING (not to mention on a Sunday morning when nobody in their right mind should be up that early) to drag me out of bed when we don't have to meet the guys for coffee until two.

It's not like I wanted to leave early last night there was just the small implication of having my boyfriend and my ex at our two neighbouring tables, something which is completely out of my control.

But as Trish slurred drunkenly (she purchased a bottle of vodka at the bar while she was supposed to be paying the bill) at me in the cab ride home last night "These things just happen to you Mia."

Why, I do not know.

So even though I paid for Lana's cab ride and I am the one who's going to be in trouble when Lilly mentions at the next Atom meeting the ungraceful exit I made from Nobu's, with a picture for her proof, I am the one who is getting the blame and the painful torture via designer fabrics.

I seriously cannot handle trying one more thing; I would despise doing this even if I was interested in, EW, the prom.

Over twenty or so dresses have been shoved on me like I'm a little paper doll and the only reason I can write this at the moment is because I'm meant to be trying on seven more dresses by an 'totally awesome up and coming designer' whose taste in fabrics is repulsive.

I don't know if I can ever wear clothes again after today's traumatic experience. I might just run around naked for a while, let my inhibitions run wild and free.

Forget becoming princess of Genovia and going to college I might just skip all that and go and join a nudist colony.

Even Lana would have difficulty tracking me down there.

Suddenly that loose idea in passing has become suddenly appealing.

Although the paparazzi would have quite a field day and J.P. would get quite a shock. He seems eager to go to the same college as me, no matter where it is so he might be interested in joining me on my little expedition of self discovery.

He might feel a bit humiliated if it got out into the newspapers as it undoubtedly would.

Princess Mia Goes Crownless! (Among Other Things)

I think it actually has a certain ring to it. If only my friends knew the terrifying power they had over me only by taking me prom shopping.

I never used to be like this. My sweetest dreams were of being taken to prom with all eyes on me, my face bursting into a smile of pure happiness as my arms wrapped around-

Never mind. Prom is completely stupid; no one who has a sane part of their brains left would ever find any appeal in it. As I write this I am well aware that my friends are excited about the prom.

"Mia come out here, what's taking so long? Are you alright?" Tina calls from behind the dressing room curtain.

"Mia, get your ass out here!" Lana yells in a less concerned tone, still feeling the effects of her hangover.

I've paused, trying not to make a sound. Sooner or later they will realise what I'm doing and will try and come for.

It's time to stall so I call out "Hold on, do you have any idea what type of designers puts so many buttons on one stupid dress?"

"A very expensive one," Trish says laughing "hurry up all ready."

My iPhone makes a sound from inside my Chloé handbag alerting me to a message. Quickly I try to discreetly pull it out, expecting a text message from J.P. saying he loves me and can't wait to meet me for coffee.

Instead when I open the message a picture of me sprawled on the ground at Nobu's comes onto the screen, flashing a candid shoot of my underwear.

Underneath the embarrassing photo is a line of text which read 'Look familiar?'

Oh my God, I cannot breath, again.

This is proof Lilly is mad at me and if going to use that photo of me for destruction.

What can I do? What do I do?

Is this another go at revenge, blackmail like although there haven't been any updates on that sight for almost two years.

What if it is blackmail and she's going to try and sell the picture to the press so the whole world will know that I wear Hello Kitty undies?

"Wait a minute," Trish is saying from behind the curtain "None of the dresses we handed her have any buttons on them."

"What is she doing then, and what's that sound? It sound almost like a scratching" Tina is cut of by Lana's shrieking.

"Oh my God. She's writing in her journal again!"

I can hear angry murmuring from outside my dressing room. They know I am in here and they know I am not obeying their orders and forcing myself into the tiny dresses they hand me. How long will it be before they kill me?

The next thing I know Lana pulls me from the dressing room where I am in fact sitting in my underwear and I try to cover myself with my journal and my iPhone with the text from Lilly clatters from my lap onto the ground at their feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunday 30th of April, New York City Taxi.

What is up with the past few days? If I knew my life was going to turn into this kind of turmoil I would have just stayed under the covers and slept all weekend. But no, nobody will let me do that anymore thanks to my therapist.

Thanks so much Dr, I'm doing something that scares me everyday and if I end up in a mental asylum just like most other minor celebrities I will know who to thank.

Well, all the tribute can't go all to my therapist. At the moment a lot of it goes to my best friends who attack me with multi coloured layers of silk and chiffon whenever I'm unaware, and to my body guard for allowing this kind of torture, my ex best friend who is trying to black mail me apparently, my boyfriend who I have to repeatedly lie to and last but not least my ex boyfriend who if he didn't have to come back to New York none of this wouldn't have happened!

Yes, it is his fault. If he had just stayed in Tsukuba with his cute and incredibly tiny new girlfriend none of this would have happened!!!

I think Lana is right. Maybe if I did try a bit of vodka once in a while I'd be more 'chilled out'.

Because it is not Michaels fault that I've landed myself in a huge mess, yet again.

He did such a great thing! Saving all those people with his amazing invention! People are living without pain because of him. What do I do? I cause people pain. My boyfriend because I can't say I love him suddenly, my ex-boyfriend for breaking up with him, my ex best friend for making out with her boyfriend and myself for lying about all these things and getting myself into more mess than I was originally.

I am such a sadist.

Although if I am truly a sadist I would be joining Lana and Trish later this afternoon for their fortnightly bikini wax.

Anyway, after I collapse gracefully from the changing room onto the department stores marble floor, in my Hello Kitty underwear no less, I looked up to notice the stares of three curious girls (not including the guys who were waiting for their girlfriends to change and were staring unabashedly at my bra).

"Well, what's this Mia?" Lana cackled and reached for my iPhone. I desperately tried to snatch it out of her hands because I knew her calling me by my real name was an incredibly bad sign. Much like it was a bad sign when Lilly stopped calling me 'P.O.G.'. And look how _that _turned out.

Tina and Trish stared over Lana's shoulder reading the text that I had just received.

"Oh my God!" gasped Tina, looking at me with a worried expression.

"Oh my God!" Lana looked like she was about to pass out "You still wear those stupid Queen Amidala panties?! Geek, I took you to freaking Victoria's Secret for a reason!"

"What?" I asked blushing as I felt people around the store stopping whatever they were doing and watching me. It also would have been a lot less embarrassing if I were properly clothed "I had to wear them for luck! You were forcing me to stalk my ex boyfriend after all."

Tina looked at sympathetically and gave me her coat to put on over my Hello Kitty bra and undies. Grateful, I quickly slipped it on and buttoned it to the top, trying to ignore Lana and Trish's outburst of laughter.

"Geek, Victoria's Secret can be lucky underwear!" Lana cried trying to stay upright as she gaped for breath.

"Yeah!" Trish cried, elbowing Lana in the ribs with amazing unsubtlety "Help you get lucky!"

They screamed with mirth and I turned back to Tina, trying to resist the urge to push them into the set up of mannequins.

"So do you think you're being blackmailed, Mia?" Tina looked up at me, eyes wide with fear, also pointedly ignoring Lana and Trish for which I was grateful.

"Well, they didn't say what they sent me the message for." Except to remind me of my most recent humiliation.

"So do you think Lilly sent it?" Tina asked, looking deep in thought.

"She was the only one who could have taken it unless one of the waiters has a thing for Queen Amidala." I pointed out although this thought didn't cheer me up any less than the thought of Lilly taking the picture. If it was Lilly taking the picture she would have used it for blackmail, humiliation or a good source to put on her website. Maybe she wanted some new material for .

But if it was waiter taking the picture he would most certainly will send it to the paparazzi. It is bad enough that all of my friends know about my fetish for my Star Wars lucky underwear I don't need the whole world to know as well!

"You know I read a romance novel a lot like this," Tina mused, lost in thought. "The heroine had just gotten over her life being torn apart when a mysterious messenger comes to her door and changes her world…"

"I've read that one!" I scream with joy "Then Alexis tries to find out who the messenger is only to find out he is a ruggedly handsome starting journalist who is trying to make so extra money on the side!"

"To pay for someone to help take care of his sister's illegitimate baby!" Tina screams, grabbing my hands and jumping up and down.

Finally she stops jumping and looks at me with a confused expression on her face. "Mia, I thought most of the romance novels you read were only borrowed from me?"

Oops, I almost slipped up. What was I supposed to say? That I had been using at as research for a romance novel I had been writing for the past two years? Like that wouldn't come as a bit of a shock. And what if Tina told somebody like Boris who could tell J.P. and he'd want to read it and everybody would know!!!

"Um," I paused, panicking "What are you talking about? Romance novels are the greatest!"

"Duh!" Tina squealed and looked immensely happy once again.

Lana and Trish then come over and declare that we can shop for the prom later in the week, seeing me make a fool of myself in my underwear twice in a week had brought them enough joy for the day.

I scowled at them but they pushed me towards the door.

So here I am, just staring at the stupid text message which had caused all this trouble, and the threat of prom shopping still looming over my head.

Maybe if someone did lock me up in an asylum I wouldn't be able to cause all this trouble.

I wonder if cats are allowed as pets if you live in a mental asylum. If they are I know exactly where Fat Louie and I are going for our next holiday destination spot.

I know I am more than qualified for it.


	3. Chapter 3

_My Room, The Loft, 4:30 p.m., Sunday 30__th__ of April_

Ok. Since I'm a princess do you think I'll get a lesser sentence for three accounts of attempted murder?

Because I seriously feel as if I am going to kill my three best friends. I have to come up with a plan that will render me unsuspicious to all who will think to accuse me.

Maybe while no one is looking I can stab them with the spikes on my tiara tomorrow night at my birthday party. I can lure them into my clutches with promises of Vera Wang, Gucci and Chanel party bags and then when they are unsuspecting I shall strike.

Maybe Boris will try and stop me once he sees me heading for Tina although he might as well get attacked since he has had as big a part to play in my social destruction as any of my friends have.

I will give him an ultimatum; it will be either cease tucking your sweater vests into your jeans or get a tiara comb plunged into your neck.

That and stop wearing sweater vests altogether. I mean I'm happy that Boris is seen by attractive by some people other than Tina now but even gloriously attractive people have trouble pulling sweater vests off.

You have to have a cute geekiness going for you like Seth from the O.C. to look passable in something so unacceptable and… woollen.

I wonder if Michael looks good in a sweater vest? Probably.

Oh my God! I cannot believe I just wrote that! I have a boyfriend and all of a sudden an ex comes back in to town and my hand automatically betrays me by writing words such as that.

Thank God that didn't happen while writing Ransome my Heart or the whole 400 pages would have involved sex scenes of Michael and Mia.

Oh God, I'm stopping now.

Another reason why I cannot see Michael, he'll want to read my book or as he thinks it is _a memoir to Genovian Olive Groves._ Urgh, I'm bored just thinking about writing it. How could he want to read all 400 pages of it?!

Okay, I doing it again. Dr Knutz keeps telling me I have a habit of freaking myself out unintentionally by working myself up over what has not happened yet.

So think of something calm and relaxing…

You are in a field by a water hole with a slight breeze flowing through your hair. You watch as the wind creates soothing ripples in the water which reflect your calm and serene features. Taking a deep breath you raise your eyes to the clear blue skies which stretch across the plane like they could last until eternity. Green plant life stretch over the rich field of land and you bend down to touch the silky textures of the bright flowers at your feet. A sound rings through your ears and startled, you glance up. You breathe out as you see Sugar roaming across the paddock towards you. His galloping creates thunder on the grounds and his mane flicks over his head and shines in the sun like he is a part of a Herbal Essences commercial for equestrians. Slowly he comes towards you to and dips his head gracefully to take a drink from the water hole. His head is raised and the horse stares at you, questions in its eyes. Can you answer Sugars question Mia?

Ah! No! NO MORE HORSES!!!!!!

I get enough horse analogies every Thursday afternoon! I do not need to freak myself out with them!

Horses are beautiful and graceful but I do not think watching a few more episodes of the Saddle Club is going to help sort out my problems.

Like I said, I freak myself out enough on my own without people doing it for me.

So after nearly embarrassing me to death by forcing me into a department store in Hello Kitty knickers only my 'friends' pulled me into the nearest Starbucks (fully clothed of course) to meet our boyfriends and Lana's whatever-he-is.

J.P. of course looked incredibly gorgeous in an Old Navy blue shirt which matched his eyes perfectly and his favourite pair of Levi jeans. He stood up to give me and kiss on the cheek with a big happy smile on his face and I could hear him sigh in content. I closed my eyes, desperately hanging on to him in an attempt to forget the last time I'd lied to him and I inhaled his familiar scent of dry cleaning fluid which no matter how many bottle of cologne I brought him could never seem to get covered up.

As was habit I found myself sneezing (I think I might be allergic to the scent), spraying mucus all over him.

He, of course was very gentlemanly and polite as I furiously apologised and tried to dab him with the serviettes on our table.

All the while Lana started laughing, somewhere between amusement and disgust as she reminded me to stock my handbag with Kleenex and handed me some serviettes in case I 'blew my top' again.

Embarrassed I sat down quickly, trying to pull my face from my hands.

All the while Boris is pulling Tina on to his lap and Lana and her whatever-he-is are making out very vividly.

"So what have you been doing?" I asked J.P. who was staring at me intently in his usually devoted way. Lana once pointed out to me that it made him look like a puppy dog when he did this. A hot puppy dog none the less, but still a little weird.

Of course I defended him, J.P. is an amazingly sweet guy, and the way he was looking at me with adoration just proved how much he loves me, right?

J.P. shrugged and leaned back in his seat, watching people in the café shouting at waiters because they mixed up their latte orders with sugared frappuccinos.

"Not a lot. I was working on the play for a while before I met up with Boris and came here, I don't know what he was doing."

His eyes brightened slightly as he leaned in smiling "I can't wait until you see the play Mia, apart from a few minor hiccups it's coming along really well. So far Stacey needs to learn a few of her lines, the props need to finish being painted and I've got to sort out a few things with the stage lighting but other than that it's almost done."

I grinned, happy to see him excited after the stress he'd been under the past few days. "Really? That's great. I'm so happy for you J.P., so what-"

"Today I did not do much, I saw a few old friends and then met you guys here" Boris announced, his accent hightening as he cut off the question I was about to ask J.P. about stage lighting and his actors.

"That's great," I said blandly, looking over the cake menu trying to decide between a chocolate cake and a lemon cheesecake "So what are you-"

I was cut off once again, this time by Boris's girlfriend who tightened her arms around him neck and asked with great interest "Who'd you see?"

Boris glanced over my shoulder at the menu avoiding asking the question until he finally admitted with weak tone while keeping his eyes warily on me "Michael."

I don't know if he was expecting me to scream and jump up from my seat as I would have done in the past but because I was already accustomed to the fact that one of the Moscovitz siblings was back in down I just nodded my head complacently and turned back to my decision making process.

The choice between chocolate goodness and lemon twang, a very difficult decision to make in one girls lifetime.

It was Tina who jumped out of her seat and screamed "What!? Why did you not tell me this?"

Boris shrugged and got up and walked over the counter but not before turning around to call to her "I didn't think it was that big a deal. You know that we're friends, we've been e-mailing for a while now. Just like he and Mia were e-mailing."

Tina glared at him in outrage before turning back to Lana. Trish and I.

"What does he mean it's not a big deal!?"

"Because it's not." Lana said, finally releasing herself from her lover boy, her lips red and bruised.

"But why not?!" Tina cried and I half expected her to stamp her foot in frustration at her boyfriend.

I pulled her down by her Stella McCartney blouse and whispered into her ear "We already know that he was here didn't we?"

I made my voice incredibly low so there was no chance of him hearing. I did not want him to know of my stalking expedition.

"So! He didn't know that!" Tina cried again, slumping in her seat and crossing her arms like a petulant child. I could not help but laugh at her expression but abruptly stopped when I caught sight of the cold expression plastered on J.P's face.

"Is that true, Mia?" he asked stonily while turning to face me.

"Is what true?" I squeaked, thinking he'd overheard what I'd just told Tina and would have to confess my stalking spree to him.

I wonder if Michael would arrest me if he knew I was stalking him? He probably could. You hear about all these cases on the Lifetime movie channel for women about people whose ex's stalk them. Then they get a restraining order placed upon them and try to kill their ex beloved.

I would never try and kill Michael though. His part to play in my insanity was no intentional. Not like some people I could mention.

Plus he probably wouldn't get a restraining order placed upon me, not unless I got really bad. He'd probably just settle for a firm warning.

"Have you been e-mailing Michael?" he asked, his expression tight and pained.

Lana told me later she thought he look constipated.

"Oh!" I say surprised, glad that was all "Yeah. Since two years ago, you know that."

"Two years?" he whispered, his fist clenched tight like he was about to hit something.

"Yeah," I say wearily, watching his expression carefully "Are you alright J.P.?"

"No," he shook his head and looked to glare at me "to tell you the truth, Mia, I'm not."

"How-" I was about to question him on this and his miserable countenance but was silenced when Boris came back and placed a slice of chocolate cake in front of Tina and I.

"Hey!" Trish gasped "How come we don't get some?" she asked furiously, gesturing to Lana and herself.

Boris looked like he was in an awkward situation "Um, because she's my girlfriend," he said timidly indicating Tina like they didn't know of their relationship yet despite the obvious promise ring which gleamed on her finger "and I'm sorry that I hadn't mentioned that her ex was back in town" he pointed to me, his finger quivering "and I need the rest of my money to catch a taxi home."

"Why should she care?" J.P. cut in with an irate look upon his face.

"Um," Boris looked less timid talking to J.P. than Lana and Trish which is understandable but more annoyed "because if I cannot get home I might be attacked by homeless people and then eaten by feral rats and what's left of my body would then have to be sent partially back to Russia and then some graveyard in this city which would then make me a separated man-"

"Not that," J.P. waved his hand irritatedly "I mean why Mia would care about whether or not Michael was back?"

"Oh." Boris looked very surprised like J.P. had just asked him a simple question like how to sing the alphabet or how to tip a taxi driver appropriately after midnight "Because he is her ex, they're friends and she used to be in love with him."

My heart made a strange movement and these words but I silenced it by repeating the sentence in my head, making an emphasis on the words 'used to'.

_Used to _be in love with Michael, but not anymore because Mia has got a boyfriend that she loves instead.

"Of course, they are after all _very close_" he said bitterly while glaring at the laminated table "but she's not in love with him anymore so why would it matter?"

"J.P." I began, stretching out an arm to him which he just shook off.

"Whatever," said Boris in an uninterested tone either choosing to ignore J.P's mode or being oblivious to it "I just thought she'd want to know. Friends like to know that kind of thing about each other. Did you know Michael's a multimillionaire now, Mia?"

"Boris!" Tina exclaimed, kicking him from underneath the table.

"What? Ow, that really hurt T," Boris complained while rubbing his shin with his hand.

"Good," Tina said defiantly, crossing her arms and sitting back in her seat once more but I couldn't help noticing her check to see he was ok.

"Yeah, I've been told," I addressed Boris, plastering a smile on my face which was remarkably more genuine than the one on J.P's "It's great isn't it?"

"Yeah. Great." J.P. echoed in a hollow tone.

"J.P, can I talk to you for a second?" I ask, gritting my teeth and turning to him.

"Go ahead," he stated gesturing with his arms to dare to continue.

I sighed and put my hands to my temples, not wishing to cause a scene or even worse, I fight with my beloved boyfriend.

I open my mouth to try to think of how to reply to him but was stopped by Lana blurting out in a rude tone "What is your problem; you are being _such _an idiot!"

"Lana!" I gasp; amazed she would voice such a view which I would never dare say.

"You are!" she continued, pointing to him with her long and taloned nail "What is up with you? Can't you handle a little competition?"

"There's no competition!" I cry out trying to calm each of them.

"Oh yeah?" J.P. set his jaw and turned to me "Then how come you never told me you kept up a two year relationship with your ex boyfriend, isn't that the type of thing couples tell each other?"

"Oh. We're just friends," I stutter out.

"Two years!" he stated, his voice beginning to rise "With your millionaire ex!"

"Don't be jealous," Tina added, trying in her usually way to try and soothe the situation but instead causing the opposite result.

"I'm not!" he almost yelled. He then took a deep breath and closed his eyes before he spoke with his voice clenched "Look, Mia. I'm sorry I'm just a little frustrated with the play and everything and to be honest I'm a little annoyed. I'll see you later."

And with that he stood up and walked out of Starbucks while we all stared with bewildered expressions after him.

"So, can I have some of your cake, Mia?" Trish took my fork without permission, breaking the awkward tension in the air. "Who shoved a cappuccino straw up _his _butt?" Lana asked me, raising her perfectly plucked eyebrows.

Boris looked at me and smiled "You should talk to Michael now you've broken up with J.P." he said happily, while stealing a bit of Tina's cake.

"We're not broken up!" I nearly shout in a distressed tone "I'm sorry" I amend turning towards them apologetically 'I've got to go. See you."

And with that I ran out the store, searching for J.P's cab, only to see it driving off into the distance, engulfed in a crowd of people and leaving me behind.

I have no idea what his problem is. Is he really that upset because I talk to Michael? Thank God he didn't find out I was stalking him; imagine how he would have reacted then. He might have punched Boris in the face.

Not that he doesn't deserve it; I can't believe he told J.P. about Michael like that! Although he did get me that chocolate cake so maybe I won't murder him yet after all.

Argh. How have a managed to get myself into a bigger mess than I was in already? I would have thought that an impossible feat.

Guess what? It's my birthday tomorrow. I get to attend a party held in my honour where I get to see a boyfriend who probably hates me now and friends who I am tempted to kill with my tiara spikes.

I'll be eighteen tomorrow as well. What happened to it getting easier with age?

I'm stuck in the middle of more drama than my freshman year.


	4. Chapter 4

Hurrah! My first authors note. It is long over due I know. Sorry for all those I haven't thanked for a review yet. I'm new to this site and I'm still working out how to work it.

Including being new to this site I have received my first flame.

(Anonymous) flamer-

I would actually be able to respect you if you had something meaningful to critique my writing on. I cannot take anyone seriously who refers to my stories as 'crappety' or refers to me as 'dude'. Also, on your subject of your vocabulary I do not think you have any business being cruel about _my _writing.

I understand that you desire romance in a story, something which I intend to provide but you could have had the patience to wait and read following chapters instead of bad-mouthing it because I do not have a fully fledged make-out scene first chapter. Romance/ humour genre is about a build up, the story of the characters leading up to events. That is what I am trying to achieve in this story. If you wish to make a proper contribution to this story and my writing feel free to but I do not appreciate your blatant rudeness and cruelty of my work and I thought I should notify you of this before I log on to my account and delete your review.

Ok, now that's out of the way I can get to the happy stuff!

Thankyou so, so much for everyone who gave me such lovely reviews! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. For all the people wondering when M/M is going to come in, don't worry. Believe it or not they are going to meet soon. I just wanted to formulate the main details of the plot first and make it a proper Princess Diaries story.

Thankyou to- Literati Lover, mzventi, eliserock30, MichaelMiaRocks, bia9193, crazyforfanfic2008, catwoman4333.

I can't express how happy you guys make me.

Special thanks to-

Literati Lover- Your review for the first chapter made me so happy! Really?! One of the best TPD fanfics you've ever read? You are so kind!

Eliserock30- I'm so glad I can make you laugh! It's good to know that someone gets my sense of humour! Your reviews make me smile.

Sorry for the huge authors note but it was way overdue to thank you amazing people. Please tell me what you think of this, and of my writing.

Oh, I love long reviews by the way. Hearing what you think of this story is so great.

Also, it might interest you to know that after this is Mia's birthday bash.

-adorationofbooks

_My Room, The Loft, Sunday 31__st__ of April, 11:03 p.m._

I have just sat through numerous episodes of Will and Grace, Friends and several showings of the Lifetime movie channel for women.

I have also just polished off an entire ice-cream tub of macadamia brittle.

I feel comforted, amused and slightly empowered.

Why is this? My boyfriend and I have just had a massive argument in the middle of a Starbucks café and I don't feel upset. All I can seem to concentrate on is the dynamic relationship of a gay man and his straight best friend, Chandlers and Monica's heated affair and the fact that Rocky ate what was left of my ice-cream.

This is not normal. Does this signify the brainwashing powers of American television or the fact that I never cared terribly much about my boyfriend in the first place?

If Michael and I had been the ones in a passionate argument would I still be on my bed thinking of how to rearrange my Buffy the Vampire figurine collection or would I be on the phone, begging helplessly for him to forgive me?

It upsets me that I know the answer to this.

Also Michael wouldn't take me to a Starbucks café anyway. He thinks they are a merciless corporation created for inspiring droning masses which his entire being shies away from taking part in.

I shouldn't still remember this.

I have had enough of my mind for one night. I'm going to bed.

_My Room, The Loft, Sunday31st of April, 11:43p.m._

J.P. hasn't called, texted or e-mailed.

Lana's right, he's being a bit of a baby.

Oh my God, I can't believe I just admitted this. Why doesn't Biro have some form of delete?

_My Room, The Loft, Monday 1__st__ of May, 12:01 p.m._

I'm eighteen now.

My ex is back in town, my boyfriend is not speaking to me, my friends appear to be in a conspiratorial plot against me, I have no idea what college I'm going to and Fat Louie just peed behind the futon.

Happy freaking birthday to me.

_My Room, The Loft, Monday 1__st__ of May, 12:30 p.m._

Checking onto my e-mail account I have noticed I've received birthday e-mails from friends and royal alike. They obviously do not know the piteous state my birthday celebration is in.

Here are the following I've received-

_Hey Mia,_

_OH MY GOD!!!!!! You're eighteen!_

_Happy Birthday Mia!_

_I can't wait for your party tonight! How many celebrities are going to be there?!_

_Not that I wouldn't come if there weren't any celebrities there or anything. It's just…celebrities would be so cool!!!_

_I hope you have a great day and I'll see you at school._

_Love Tina,_

_P.S. - There won't be any sea scallops at your party will there? You know how Boris gets freaked out by any form of amphibian. Remember the frog dissecting thing in Bio?_

_P.P.S. - I hope you like my present._

_P.P.P.S- Bye!_

_Geek,_

_Happy Birthday babe! You're eighteen now!_

_We are so getting you smashed tonight so you can feel the full experience._

_Catch you later in homeroom or Calc._

_Love ya,_

_Lana xoxo_

_P.S. - J.P. isn't still being prissy is he? Dump him and go for the hot robot building ex is my advice._

_Hello Mia,_

_This is Boris, wishing you the happiest birthday and I will see you later in the morning._

_From Boris,_

_P.S. - Hope I didn't cause the fight between you and J.P. If you're broken up (if I'd said this to you earlier Tina would have kicked me again and my violin instructor told me to avoid any injuries that might my obstruct my playing) I highly advise you speak to Michael._

_P.P.S- Will Joshua Bell be there tonight?_

_P.P.S- Tina warned you about the sea scallop incident didn't she? Because I don't want to freak out any of the waiters or Princesses of Monaco like I did during last year's incident at your birthday party. _

I also received e-mails from Trish, Shameeka, Perin and Ling-Su but that is not relevant at the moment. What's relevant is _this _e-mail which freaks me out even more than the rest.

_Dear Mia,_

_I haven't heard from you in a while. I know you're probably busy with all your final exams and everything so good luck with that._

_Anyway, even though this is out of turn since it's your turn to reply I hope you have a great birthday. I probably won't be able to celebrate with you this year like the years before (I have no ice-skating rinks at hand and your boyfriend would probably disapprove if I gave you back your snowflake necklace) but maybe we could get together for lunch (yeah, I don't know if you've heard I'm back in town or not) or we could catch a movie and then go to dinner._

_Just let me know when your royal highness is free. Should I have called ahead and booked an appointment?_

_Love Michael._

_P.S. - When you've got time could you send me your memoir on Genovian olive oil? I'd love to take a look at it._

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

He sent me an e-mail! With references of my past birthday in it! Which were spent with him!

Seriously, after reading that I'd thought I'd have to call my mother in to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on me, I was so freaked out. Fat Louie gave me strange looks due to the squeaking noise that was being admitted form my throat, that, and the fact that I collapsed of my wheeler computer chair and onto the floor.

He wants to meet me for dinner. I can't do that! J.P. would have a fit, not to mention the guilt trips he'd give me for it if I even mentioned he so much as e-mailed me to wish me a happy birthday, something which my actual _boyfriend _failed to do.

He is so sweet! Wishing me a happy birthday and wanting to have dinner with me even after how horrible I was two years ago.

I can't believe I ever treated him that way! I was so psychotic back then. Although I can't really say a lot about my mental health _right now _and I'm a princess with a _psychiatrist _on staff.

You can't blame me really. I've never exactly been sound in the head but what going on in my life at the moment would sends anyone over the edge, cause anyone's mind to snap.

He also offered to read my Genovian olive oil memoir which sound like possibly the most boring thing on the planet from first glance. He doesn't even know it's a steamy romance novel set in the 16th century. He thinks it's about olives. What are olives anyway? Do they even classify as a fruit or what?

He really is such a sweet guy. I can see why a fell in love with him. He and Midori will be very happy together.

Wow, I think I just displayed outstanding maturity just then. I wished him and his girlfriend happiness and I didn't even add the words Micro-mini in front of her name.

I remained remarkably, scarily calm throughout the whole thing.

Even thought I'm screaming on the inside.

Do you know what's really scary though?

When you ex starts to become more attentive than your current boyfriend and you feel yourself drifting further and further apart with each passing day.

Did that sound like something out of a TV soap opera or what?

My life is very much like a TV soap opera. Although I wouldn't be in the popular time slot, I'd be that annoying show you wake up to at six in the morning screaming at your family members to turn that stupid crap off.

After all, I'm an eighteen year old princess of a small island-like country who has more than her fair share of issues.

I think I play the part well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright, hi everyone. I really felt the need to let everyone know I'm still here. I'm sorry it's been such a while but I've been so busy and then there's the thing where I was in another country with a lack of internet access. I'd like to thank all the new reviewers who have contacted me since my last update. Also, especially to all the old ones who still kept a close watch on this story.**

**This is a bit of a filler chapter. Don't get me wrong, you still should read it. It has a few clues in here necessary to the story.**

**Also, I know this is really shameless advertising but if anyone is a Twilight fan they should check out another fanfiction I've just posted while, yeah, I'll admit I probably should have been updating this.**

**Sorry, but things have been so incredibly hectic.**

**Alright-**

**A thankyou so much to:**

**Bellajacoblove: Yeah, I do intend to finish it. I just needed a little time to plan. Ha ha, I know what you mean. Also, yes, I do take that as a compliment so thankyou.**

**sorcha pringle, ****Martp****, ****catwoman4333**

**Lolaluvsbooks****: Thankyou so much! You review really made me smile. No, I'm not actually Meg Cabot no matter how much I'd like to kidnap some of the characters in The Princess Diaries but thanks so much for even saying that!**

**martusia****: Thankyou. Although since I'm new to this site could you tell me what a WIP is?**

**Literati Lover****: Your reviews always make me so happy! Thankyou, I was trying to get the tone for Michael just right because I find it really annoying when it isn't so it's good to know that I succeeded. Aw, thanks for saying I'm talented. You're so sweet!**

**eliserock30****: Another reviewer who always seem to make me happy…**

**Hurrah! A flamer means I've made it, you've boosted my ego quite slightly I dare say. I can't really tell you what's going to happen but if it were me I'd rather she'd take Lana's advice. After all, what's every wrong with a hot, robot building ex? Don't worry; there'll be more Lilly and more of Michael and Mia's 'friendship' to come.**

**crazy4fanfic2008****: I know what you mean, I'm a huge fan of Friends, too. Thanks, I was trying to go for the sarcasm, it's a part of what really makes her the character.**

**MichaelMiaRocks****: Thanks, good spotting by the way. There was probably a reason for that. Thanks again for saying you like my style of work.**

**Also, more thankyous to: sorcha pringle, ****Martp****, ****catwoman4333**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Adorationofbooks**

_The Ladies Room, A.E.H.S., May 1__st__, 7:35 a.m._

Oh my God. Why can't they just freaking leave me alone?

I understand that they want to wish me a happy birthday and all but I doubt that's what they're really doing. I only discovered the true means of their tracking when practically every junior and senior student in the school started trailing me around the moment I walked through those faux timber wood double doors.

I mean, yeah, I know I'm a princess and all that and according to my psychiatrist (Oh God, how many girls would even write that sentence without barfing or be suffering from a severe mental lapse?) but I am seriously not that cool.

So it all made sense when they started quizzing me on which desired A-list guest was going to be attending my party tonight. Grandmere had each of the calligraphy scripted invitations hand delivered over a month ago so it's no surprise that word got around.

Everyone has been watching my every move like a freaking hawk, my so called boyfriend was no help, all he did was shove a box of chocolates into my arms, give me a peck on the cheek and muttering something about catching up with me later as he strode off towards his 'masterpiece' play and left me to defend myself against the masses.

Except for Lilly, she is the only one who hasn't approached me yet and considering the foul eyed dagger glances she's been sending me for the past two years I doubt she's going to.

So now I'm sitting here, on a bathroom break from homeroom stuffing my face with birthday chocolates as a try to write this while sitting on a toilet seat. Classy, I know also, not very hygienic to be eating while in an unsanitary environment.

I'm such a bad example to my little brother, no wonder he keeps fishing out stuff from under the futon and stuffing it in his mouth. Which is extremely bad now that I think of it especially considering what sort of activities Fat Louie was getting up to last night while my back is turned. To think I toilet trained him over twelve years ago is shocking.

Anyway, enough about my cats incontinence problems.

It's not my fault I'm in such a mental distraught either. In the past twenty four hours alone I've been in a major fight with my long term boyfriend who barely said a word to me this morning despite the fact that it is my birthday, although the chocolates are very delicious and of course my favourite, had a brief cyber space re-encounter with my ex-boyfriend who wants to see me and I've nearly been trampled to death by a ramped herd of celebrity hungry teenagers.

To top it all off since I was worrying about most of the previous things above all night I've survived it all on only fours hours sleep.

Because the way to turn up to your eighteenth birthday party is to freak everyone out by, literally, looking like something that the cat dragged back in and then proceeded to regurgitate.

I don't even know what my birthday party is going to be like. This time I really couldn't to be bothered to protest and basically handed over all the reins to Grandmere. Which I know is a terrifying prospect in its own and probably a danger to many. Especially me.

For all I know she will be using this moment to unveil her true identity, as I have always suspected, to be Voldemort in the middle of the main course, while doing a Michael Jackson moon walk over all the main tables before whipping off her cape in a dramatic fashion before she continues smashing through the windows and on to take over the rest of the Muggle world.

Or you know, it will be way worse and so much less entertaining if she holds a ball littered with royalty she is trying to set me up with. Which you know, will make my obviously self-assured boyfriend tickled pink.

Urgh, do there chocolate have large doses of liquor in them? I've just used the phrase tickled pink. Maybe I should get Lars to burst in here to see if anyone's drugged me and is planning to kidnap me before my grand unknown party.

The bell's just rung. I must go face the herd of pop culture obsessed, angst-ridden, jealous boyfriend, my psychotic prom obsessed friends, a kind, sweet ex-boyfriend who wishes to see me again and a possibly disastrous 18th birthday party which will no doubt be one to remember, which all await me in the real world.

As the saying goes.


End file.
